welcome to the singularity ; sacrosanct secure network


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♍ 05 | Audio -> Video -> Text
grimAuxiliatrix [gA] began trolling
mcfussyfangs wrote in singularity_rpg
[The audio feed turns on in the middle of a crash, followed by several larger crashes followed by a small 'hm'ing noise. Well, it obviously matches Kanaya's Network ID and Kanaya, who is still totally oblivious as to what has been going on with everyone (imminent supernovas aside, she knows about those and doesn't care because SUPERNOVAS and also ROBOTS ARE LIARS), has decided that constant moping is total bullshit. So is this useless audio function, which she had turned on to ask a question but decided to make one more try at... doing what she was doing.

The video function follows soon after, but it's only a quick once over of what looks like a pretty wrecked hardware store and a chainsaw lying on the floor. And a pile of broken chainsaws next to it.

Text follows as soon as the feed clicks off.]



This Occurrence Is Not What I Was Attempting To Orchestrate As A Short Term Goal
Which Is To Say That Nothing In This Store Works As It Should
And That It Is A Shame As These Mobile Rotating Blade Devices Used As Gardening Implements
And Occasionally As Weapons With Which To Slay The Undead
Do Not Fold Into Tubes Of Lip Painting Substance
Which Is Rather Bizarre As One Would Think That This Spatial Platform
With All Of Its Advanced Technology
Would Have That Sort Of Function Imbued In Its Items
But Apparently Not
Also Some Of These Are Missing The Bladed Apparatus With Which One Would Cut


[And then there is a long pause after which more text appears.]


Oh Wait
Disregard That That Last Sentence
The Apparatuses Which I Had Thought Lacked Cutting Implements Are In Possession Blades Made Of Some Sort Of Solid Light Substance
Possibly Plasma Though I Am Not A Scientist So I Suppose That The Amount To Which I Am Versed In The Subject Would Be Considered Lacking To Some

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KANAYA I NEED YOU IN MY LIFE

You Didnt Seem To Require My Assistance When You Leapt Out Of A Window And Went Dashing Off To Thresh Dave
And Then Who Knows What Happened After That Except Yourself Dave Jade Vriska And Probably Sollux
If Only Because You Never Told Me
No One Ever Told Me Actually Which I Suppose I Should Find Bizarre But Dont Really If Only Because We Are Apparently Notoriously Bad At Communication As A Collective
Although Seeing As How Vriska Is Upset With You I Can Only Offer Vague Inferences As To How That Worked Out In My Mind
Poorly
By The Way
Was The Result Of Those Private Musings
In Case That Wasnt Already Obvious

But I Am Supposed To Keep You In Control Which I Am Utterly Failing To Do
So It Is In A Very Authentic Sense
The Least I Can Do
Is Assist You In Whatever You Are Inquiring About
What Is It You Require



Edited at 2011-09-03 10:29 pm (UTC)

DID YOU COMPLETELY MISS MY FIRST MESSAGE?
I REQUIRE YOU.
I'M SO
JUST
HOLD ON


[ privated in the stupidest manner ever: ]

I'M SO FUCKING RETARDED.
I'M SO STUPID AND I
I SHOULD HAVE GONE TO YOU BEFORE BEING RASH AND JUST
YOU'RE NOT FAILING IT'S ME WHO IS THE FAILURE (AS USUAL)



I'M SORRY.

Text; ♍oderate Filter; Hackable

I Saw The Message
That Was Sarcasm
The Human Kind That Denotes This Strange Disease Called Friendship
Not The I Am A Troll And Am Being A Jerk Manner Of Sarcasm
I Want To Make Sure We Are Clear On That
And I Think We Can Both Agree That We Are Equal Part Failure And Inability To Cope With Basic Troll Emotions
Which Is Why We Are In This Quadrant Currently
But The Failure Is Mostly Mine
And I Am Sorry I Didnt Prevent Whatever Situation You Managed To Blunder Yourself Into

Where Are You


Edited at 2011-09-04 02:22 am (UTC)

text; ♍oderate Filter; Hackable

OUTSIDE THE STRIDER HOUSE.
TEREZI DRAGGED ME OUT FROM UNDER JADE'S BED, WHICH WAS WHERE I'VE BEEN ALL WEEK.
NOW I HAVE SOME BUSHES.

Text; ♍oderate Filter; Hackable

Why On Alternia Do You Think That Staying There Where Strider Is
And Where Vriska Probably Knows Where You Are
Who As I Mentioned Previously Is Not Happy With You At All
And Can Probably Find You Easily





Are You Too Firmly Lodged In The Thorny Grasp Of The Bushes To Free Yourself


Edited at 2011-09-04 03:51 am (UTC)

Text; ♍oderate Filter; Hackable

UH
I
DIDN'T ACTUALLY THINK THIS THING THROUGH TOO WELL.
AS YOU CAN INEVITABLY TELL.
IT'S ONE OF THOSE CHARACTER TRAITS OF MINE THAT MAKE SURE MY LIFE IS ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE IN EVERY SINGLE FUCKING WAY IMAGINABLE.

MY PANTS ARE STUCK.

Text; ♍oderate Filter; Hackable

I Hope You Know I Just Sighed To Myself
It Was Filled With Exasperation And Yet A Convenient Lack Of Surprise
Would You Like Me To Retrieve You
By Which I Mean Would You Like Me To Make Haste To Your Location In Possession Of Spare Trousers
While You Disentangle Yourself From This Hedge


Text; ♍oderate Filter; Hackable

THAT'S PROBABLY A GOOD IDEA.
IN BETWEEN THIS MESSAGE AND MY LAST, I JUST
TOOK THEM OFF.
SO I'M STANDING HERE.
WITHOUT PANTS.
IN THE ROAD.


Edited at 2011-09-04 06:11 am (UTC)

Text; ♍oderate Filter; Hackable; 1/2

Slowly But Surely I Am Beginning To See Why I Never Let You Out Of My Sight
Except When You Run Away
Which Never Ends Well

[And there she is! With pants! And also covering her eyes and holding them out to him because HELLO DECENCY kthnx]

Please put these on before you embarrass yourself further.

WeLl ShIt ThAt SeEmS rEaL wEiRd As FuCk
AlL wItH tHe NoT lIpStIcKiNg oF iTs AlL sElF
oH sHiT i AlSo Be At HaViNg SoMeThInG tO tElL yOu

Text; In b4 drop takes full effect and he thinks it's his fault

Yes It Perturbs Me Just As Much

Ah Something To Tell Me
Do You Bring Tidings Of Pleasant Events Or Ill


Edited at 2011-09-06 04:39 am (UTC)

text sob he will miss her :(

It'S rEaL aLl GoOd SiStEr!
I aLl WeNt AnD gOt MySeLf A QuAdRaNt BeInG aLl FiLlEd!

Oh
Was It The One That Karkat And I Were Discussing
Did You Find A Moirail

NaH, sIsBrO, iT's AlL bEiNg ReDdEr ThAn ThAt
AnD iT's WiTh ErIdAn!

Pardon Me
I Am Rereading That Sentence Repeatedly
But My Eyes Must Be Playing Tricks On Me
As The Words Are Arranging Themselves In A Way That Is Informing Me That You Are In A Flushed Relationship With Ampora


Edited at 2011-09-06 06:10 am (UTC)

HaHa YeAh SiStEr ThAt'S aLl WhAt'S bEiNg Up AnD sHiT

Did He Coerce You Into This Quadrant
Do You Want Me To Break His Legs
Because I Am Extremely Willing To Do That

WhAt HaHa No
YoU dOn'T gOtTa Do ThAt
NaH i ThInK i AlL rEaLlY lIkE hIm AnD aLl

Why
Why On Earth Would You Even Consider Him Worthy Of Socializing With

I dUnNo SiStEr I cAn'T bE gEtTiNg My QuEsTiOn On WhEn It'S aLl BeInG aBoUt WhErE mY hEaRt'S aLl Up At In, YaNnO?
i JuSt AlL fEeL aT lIkE hE's AlL rEaLlY sOrRy FoR tHe ShIt He'S aLl BeEn At To DoInG
lIkE gEnUiNe LiKe
AnD wE jUsT rEaLlY gEt AlOnG, yOu KnOw?

Oh Yes He Has Shown Such A Large Amount Of Remorse For Dooming Our Species
By Giving His Assistance To The Artificial Intelligent That Mutilated Most Of Us
That Was Sarcasm By The Way
He Is Deplorable And There Is No Excuse For What He Did And If I See Him In The Hive Im Going To Kill Him

Do Be Careful Around Him
Remember What Happened To The Last Person He Turned His Red Advances On

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